Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
