You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it was like eating out sand paper
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
