i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
