I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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