Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
