This is not my ceiling
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
