I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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