I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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