When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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