I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
