Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
