There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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