Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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