I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella