There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich