I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
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I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
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When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.