things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO