i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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