Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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