hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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