I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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