I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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