Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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