I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
