I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
