Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
