I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
