Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
