smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wish my penis had a tongue
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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