it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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