The maid of honor just puked.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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