man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
