I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
