my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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