I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
