god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.