note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she pinky promised me she was 18
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does