he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.