So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.