Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
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My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup