I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
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do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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