i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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