Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
