y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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