I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
