I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
