The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
