I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
