And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
