Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
