2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
