So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
