Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
