After last night, I could never be a politician.
this beer tastes like vomit already
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
