i just sent this text using only my big toe
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
