there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
