Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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