Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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