If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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