This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
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Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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