fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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