More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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