He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
