I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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