Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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