I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
