you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
is that a dick in a sweater?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
