so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
