I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
