he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
